Retired Bad Guy's New Job
by Dragon Princess Orochiko
Summary: Orochimaru finally got sick of being a bad guy so how does he make money? Clean crackfic


Orochimaru sighed heavily trying to calm himself. He shouldn't be nervous, but he was. His hands jittered a bit and his breaths were long and agitated. He gazed down at his outfit. Rags of brown, black and oily yellow had replaced his clean crème tunic and black turtle neck. His feet were barely covered in ragged shoes and his toes were dirty. His hair of silky sable was slightly mussed and covered more of his pale face than usual.

Kabuto stood to the right of him, gazing at his master. He put a hand on the snake lord's shoulder. "Calm down, lord Orochimaru."

"Shh," Orochimaru replied softly. He rubbed his dirty hands together to get some of the caked filth off. Roars and screams came from the other side of the ragged, violet velvet, seeming to repel Orochimaru even more. Eerie mist rose and hung in the air around him and beyond the thin curtain. He turned back to Kabuto. "Do you think it'll be alright?"

"I'm sure of it, lord Orochimaru," Kabuto assured. "No one would ever hate you."

"I suppose," Orochimaru said. His eyes went back to the purple and blue shaded mist beyond the old curtain. The cries were louder, beckoning for Orochimaru. He smiled and licked his lips. "Showtime."

He slowly and cautiously stepped from behind the curtain out into the screaming darkness. His footsteps were heavy and loud though not visually clumsy. Around him the ominous sounds of creaking doors, howling wolves, and whistling wind pounded around him. He could hear his own jagged breathing echoing through the air.

Knowing that it was time to stop, he halted with his head down. Hair hung forward like rags and arms drooped carelessly like a zombie. Still, the screaming and shouting from the darkness beyond continued.

He counted backwards from ten. As he did, he lifted his arms slowly to the sides and put one foot forward with his hip jutting out a bit. When he reached one, his posture suddenly snapped to where his arms were straight up by his head and his legs were spread equidistant apart. At that movement, he saw light flash forward from behind him and he could see his own shadow cast on thousands of people before him. The people were flailing their arms and jumping.

Orochimaru grinned and turned his face slowly to the moonlit sky. The suspense was building and his heart pounded in ecstasy. All fear and nerve melted instantly.

When the suspense had built up enough, climaxed by the ominous sounds, Orochimaru's head snapped back down to face the thousands of people before him with his long tongue hanging out to the side and his eyes wide with adrenaline. At this exact movement, trumpets behind him sounded. He jerked back to a standing position and then to a stance where his hip jutted out along with his hands. After the solo of trumpets, the drums and bass guitar sounded.

"♪ Cause this is Thriller! Thriller Night ♪!" Orochimaru sang out as he began dancing with the beat. Behind him were eight dancers, all male, dressed similarly with their hair and faces made up like zombies. From there, the crowd of fans went wilder than before.

Orochimaru then began the true dance of the song. It started with a simple twitch in the head and then went to jerking it violently to the right. His hands then came out to the sides as he stepped forward.

"It's close to midnight, and something evil's lurking in the dark," Orochimaru sang, leaning in close to the crowd with a mike in his hand. His hand stretched out toward the crowd and girls in the front went crazy trying to grasp it. "Under the moonlight you see a sight that almost stops your heart."

He backed up from the crowd, still grinning ominously. "You try to scream, but terror takes the sound before you make it," he continued, reaching out with his free hand and pulling it back towards himself. "You start to freeze as horror looks you right between the eyes; you're paralyzed! Cause this is thriller! Thriller night! And no one's gonna' save you from the beast about to strike. You know it's Thriller! Thriller Night! You're fighting for your life inside a killer, thriller tonight!" To prove his point, he opened his mouth wide and let his long unravel towards the audience.

Meanwhile

Kabuto stood just behind the ragged curtains marking the backstage. He watched his master for a few minutes before shaking his head and rubbing his temples. He took his headset off and set it on a technician table nearby. Beneath the table was his backpack with his work information and other important things. He reached for it.

He took once last glance at Orochimaru out on stage. The snake lord was in the middle of the second verse and was terrifying his fans with his snake summoning jutsus. Kabuto rolled his eyes. He had had enough and it was time for him to move on. His master had gone nuts.

"Where are you going, Kabuto?" Tayuya asked as she strolled up from the dressing room. She was clothed in tight leather pants and a shirt for the next song, "Bad".

Kabuto scratched the back of his head. "I'm going on a vacation. Lord Orochimaru has lost his marbles and I don't think I can help him anymore."

"How long will you be gone?"

Kabuto stopped at the doorway and turned back around. "I'm going on a _long_ vacation." With that he was gone.

And after that night of Orochimaru's "Killer" concert, Kabuto was never seen by the snake lord again.

**This story was not meant to make fun of Michael Jackson in any way. It just so happens that Orochimaru looks like him now. I thought this would be funny. **


End file.
